A Suffering Companion

“Jesus isn’t the one who takes away your suffering. Jesus is the one who is with you in your suffering and strengthens you through it.” Emily DeLew’s voice is resolute as she describes how God shows up in her chaplaincy work. It carries the steady warmth one longs to hear at a hospital bedside, a calm assurance borne from theological study and contemplative practice. Next year, she’s embarking on a year-long residency at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. Many people might be hesitant to serve in a level 1 trauma center, but DeLew maintains the same steadfast energy when discussing the prospect. “Jesus would be running toward where people are wounded, to the people who grieve most deeply,” she says. “Chaplaincy is how I can follow Jesus most closely.”

The road that led DeLew to this conviction traversed its own valleys of hardship and loss. She enrolled in Garrett while working at a large urban church, where she had been a member for more than a decade and had, some years ago, entered an executive leadership role. She realized she needed more education if we wanted to continue to grow and expand in her role so, feeling called to minister to that church, she began seminary. Unfortunately, during her first year at Garrett, she experienced problems within the church that led her to leave both her job and the faith community. “There was so much grief around that choice,” she says. “I still had three more years of seminary, but I found myself at a loss because the reason I entered was no longer there. That year was full of thoughts like ‘Why am I here? What am I doing?’”

This sense of instability in vocation coincided with the normal pain seminarians experience when wrestling with difficult questions about God and the Christian tradition. “Sometimes the deeper you go, especially in church history, it can lead to so much cynicism,” she notes. “Disentangling the white supremacist roots in our theologies, contending with racist histories within the church, you can ask, ‘Where is God in all of this?’”

What she found, however, was that this process of discernment led her to both clarity in vocation and a deeper love of God. “I can’t believe it. I love Jesus so much more than I ever have. It’s just not the Jesus that I always knew,” she says with wonder. “At the same time, I sensed God releasing me from local church ministry, redirecting me towards hospital chaplaincy, to envision ministry outside church walls and participate in the beauty of God’s presence.” This palpable comfort reassured her God still had a plan for her future. “In that moment I knew that hope was not lost,” she shares. “God is found in deep connection—liberating and empowering.

As she completed her first unit of clinical pastoral education, she found opportunities to use skills she learned in Garrett coursework. “The most meaningful course I took was prayer and theology with Dr. Bedford, where the whole focus of the class was on contemplative prayer,” she says. “One of our assignments every day was to sit in contemplative silence—starting with 5 minutes a day and growing over the course of the semester—and, afterward, to write our thoughts in a prayer journal.” The steady rhythm of intentional time and presence to the Spirit was transformative to her prayer life, and offered new skills she can bring to the hospital. “I’m able to practice this while on shifts,” she shares. “I’ll be in the middle of a night shift or waiting for my pager to go off—feeling nervous, feeling anxious—and this practice has taught me how to give intentional space and freedom to access the divine even in the shortest windows.”

Now, she finds that the theology she reads blends deftly into the care she offers. “In Wendy Farley’s book Gathering Those Driven Away she describes how important incarnational theology is to how we make meaning out of suffering,” she shares. “The fact that Christ suffered was proof that suffering is not because of punishment, condemnation or blame. It is also proof that God will not abandon us.” As she enters the hospital room, she carries a potent sense of the indwelling holiness of the person to whom she will provide care. “I find it to be an immense honor to walk alongside or accompany people in these very specific moments of their lives, often unwelcome moments,” she concludes. “It’s a window into their humanity, their stories, the possibilities of love and joy that form in the midst of our connection.”